You know that thing, where something presents itself, an opportunity for something better? Not even something that you would have normally considered, or sought out; something that comes to you almost. At first it’s a what if, like winning the lottery. You don’t invest much thought or feeling into at first, your kinda like, “yea right, like that will ever happen”. Then, you think about it more and begin saying,“why not?!?!”. You begin to invest emotion in the idea of it, it transitions from a great of it does, whatever if it doesn’t to you REALLY wanting it. Your excitement and anxiousness builds leading up to your “shot”, you leave it all on the field and in God’s hands. You know you nailed it, even get feedback that confirms you did. Then comes the waiting…and more waiting…then doubt…more waiting…to the point that you think you’re over it, who cares, that’s what you get for dreaming…it was never going to happen anyway. You prepare yourself for it not happening because of how AMAZING it would be if it ever did. Then you build up the “if it did”, where you know, you just know IF it DID happen, he’ll it would just solve ALL your life’s problems and then some.
I don’t think the devil likes confidence, peace, hope, or really any positive or healthy state of mind or point of view. The craziness that develops is his work, so that no matter what the outcome, good, bad, or indifferent; you’ll be so jaded it won’t matter…there will be no satisfaction, not being at peace, or content with the outcome.
So that brings us to the next part of the story, the thing where it actually happens… you get it, you win, you get to pass go and collect your preverbal $200! In the emotional moment of pride, excitement, and shear thankfulness you can’t believe it’s happening, then there’s a piece of it that isn’t exactly how you imagined it or what you expected, a little deflating if you will. Not that it’s a bad thing, just throws the joy off momentarily. Again, the devil isn’t a fan of of feeling grateful or being humble….
I think thorough, if you are of the mindset that the situation was in God’s hands, and things are meant to be, then you have to accept the fact that all aspects of it are too, not just the parts that work for ya.
I think that is the case with all journeys too, all triumphs and failures. The path is a long one, the race is a marathon, not a sprint. Few times in life is a path ever straight and clear of obstacles and detours, nor is the path always clear from start to finish. That’s what makes life a journey, and one worth taking.
I have come as close to a rock bottom as I have throughout this process on the food game. We’ve eaten out WAAAAY more than we have in a long time, which wouldn’t be so bad if not for me saying ____ it every time I order :/ I’ve been stressed, I am stressed, I’ve got to accept stress and do better dealing with it. The eating is one thing, going back to diet soft drinks, not sleeping….it’s a domino effect :/ I think the hardest part has been feeling more old me than the newer me :/
Again, the struggle of finding balance, accepting life, and being off periodically versus black and white extremes, doubting yourself, stopping progress and even going backwards. Part of me feels like I know the answers, the other that I have no clue. I don’t know sometimes, or feel rather, that I even know what I’m doing anymore. I know , I know. I know I’m competent, capable, and ready to get after it; but I can’t seem to get that going consistently.
I’m in my head too much, like you didn’t already get that from the first part…I keep self-sabotaging, listening to the cant’s and why not’s instead of focusing on the can’s.
The reality is that I am a blessed man, God is good. He has a plan, and I’m a part of it. I’m not without responsibilities though, I can’t waste time worrying and doubting. I have to make the most out if every day I have, and take advantage if the opportunities I’ve been afforded. No matter how many doors are put before you, you can’t just look at them, you actually have to walk through them.
I have changed my life, I have accomplished great things, and I am not done yet. This should be and is an incredibly exciting time in my life. Not everyone gets to change their life, reinvent themselves, accomplish goals, and further themselves. It’s ridiculous that I’ve wasted the time and energy that I have staying in this limbo/funk that I have for as long as I have.
The chaos that surrounds me, the drama and stress associated with the insanity that is my family, friends, and work is no doubt any different than most, despite how much more colorful mine is at times lol. Accepting that, embracing it, and finding ways to minimize it’s negative impact is an ongoing journey. Ugh…and what a journey it is!
That being said, I thank God everyday for this life he’s given me, my wife, kids, family, friends, and job. To pray for change and the ability to create it, to pray for opportunity and the courage to take it is something I have done for a long time. Seeing your prayers answered every new day as you look at your life and those around you is a precious gift and one I hope to try and never take for granted.
So to the devil himself, all the naysayers, all the hatters….bless your heart. I’m going to go ahead be about my business, work hard, and stay humble. Pardon me while I go one and brush my shoulders off ;)